2020-05-11 'Where do we begin?'
'Where do we begin?'
Location: Ascension Lodge
Date and Time: May 11, 2020
Summary: A romantic relationship is ended to pursue a higher purpose.
Mood Music: Coil - "The Wheel"
Note: That Jinny and Luu were ever members of Ascension Lodge is the main subject retconned from this log.
The other day at the library, Luu and Jinny had begun to discuss their disappointments with the failings of LA's largest Chantries, including Ascension Lodge of which they are both ostensibly members. There was a cautiousness to the conversation, thinking that perhaps Luu should vet Jinny more before revealing these things, but at the same time, she can't help but trust and feel connected to the other woman. There were also concerns that in such a setting, the walls might have ears, so trusting each other might not even be enough. Luckily, at a Magickal college, no one bats an eye at two of the professors working on magickal acts. So the next day, they arranged to meet in the stacks at a less used part of the library.
Despite often being a little late to things, Luu makes sure to get there early and prepare the ritual space for them. The arrangements were subtle, and clever. Finding the section of the library with works relating Warding, Luu carefully took a moment to arrange certain books on the shelves in relation to their subject matter, dimensions, material composition, color, languages, and dates published. Once arranged, she subtly tweaked their resonant connections into a closed circle, the various points in which marked with power by the aesthetics of the book. She was quite proud of this idea, and to anyone that really did end up having suspicions or getting close to physically intruding would have any suspicions allayed by the excuse that they were simply rearranging misshelved books, and act that would itself dissipate the Ward and cover up that anything else had been going on. Clever girl.
Her subtlety today could also be found in her appearance. It took a little extra time, but her hair was dyed an almost unremarkable brown, with slight highlights of blonde and red. This paired with a blouse and skirt, remarkably well tailored tof her form through complex stitches of almost imperceptible Enochian characters, paired with the cheapest and most common tights and flats she could find. A subtle application of Hermetic-tinged fashion based application of Ars Cupididate which made for her to be unremarkable and easy overlooked, another face in the ground, for those that would be targeted by this effect, it would seem to redirect their connections towards a myriad of other women, allowing her to somewhat hide in plain sight.
The ward constructed held this effect away from Jinny, instead radiating it outward, and perhaps giving her some of the same coverage, though not necessarily as much. "I took some precautions," Luu notes to Jinny, "we should be safe to talk here and if we're not, we've got bigger problems than what we have to talk about, so might as well find out about and deal with those, right?" Glancing around at the almost inmperticle warding circle they found themselves within, she notes, "We can be eavesdropped on and beyond that, there won't even seem to be anything remarkable going on here. We might be susceptible to someone in the future glancing back in time to this moment, but they'd have to known of it, so I'm not too worried there. The Spirit realm is another potential direction we could be looked at from. I'm not sure a ward there is necessary, as the Lodge is already warded against such intruders, but it might be a good idea for you to extend your senses to keep an eye on that while we talk, if it's not too much of a burden." A beat, before she adds with a smile, "Also, hi."
It's not something that Jinny really wanted to say, but there were things, here and there, that really, really could have been done better. Flashy displays of magickal power weren't all that there was to it, and the accumulation of more power and opulence in a Hollywood home wasn't it, either. This Chantry was almost like a fruit high on the tree, unpicked and overripe, ready to fall and splatter on the ground below, taking all the hangers-on with it.
The Chantry, and the lack of its fit, is something Jinny had been thinking about for a while. Ever since that meeting in the library, her work had transitioned from Spiritual work to something more esoteric. These books, filled with musings on the thought of what a Chantry should be, what Ascension should be, and a few artworks popping up around town of doors slightly opened, revealing the majesty beyond if one stood in the right place to look, were coming to dominate her thoughts and, with them under her arm in a fashionable striped bag, she was ready to discuss things with Luu. In her view, it was like the current world was holding that door closed and the world beyond - ascension - was left as an afterthought. A promise of a goal to follow, but not one to really strive towards at the expense of comfort, status, or power. That should not be. And perhaps Luu feels the same way.
The subtle warding is noticed, Jinny offering a smile and a wave as she steps into the out-of-the-way alcove in the stacks, adding a note in her book to look into this subtle warding as something to teach herself and then, to teach to others. Safety without visible means is always wonderful, because those who seek to harm you despite all of those things might be surprised when there's a barrier when there wasn't one before, giving a chance for defense or escape. Jinny's outfit is plain - almost office-like in its subtlety, with a knee-length pleated cream skirt and a white blouse of cotton, with a simple black beaded necklace as an accent. Something that wouldn't look out of place at a PTA meeting or a church social. Her shoes aren't the normal flashy heels or sneakers, but simple low-rise slip ons in black with dark hose disappearing beneath the hem of her skirt to tie the outfit together. "Hey." She offers, setting her books down, taking a glance at the books before settling down in one of the seats, letting out a soft breath as she extends her senses beyond the veil to the umbra beyond to see if there are any listeners, or anything that might report their words to others. Little spirits of books and learning flit about, with a few electricity and glass spirits in the windows and lights, while sleeping wood spirits in the shelves stir as her gaze passes over them. "It looks quiet on the other side..." she whispers, her eyes moving back into focus, fingers tracing the arms of the chair she claimed before she looks to the front of the library, to Luu. "We should really talk, I think.. We're both on the same page, more or less, without actually realizing it."
"I think we're starting to realize it," Luu responds to Jinny once she finishes going over the Umbra. "The reason I was asking about stories," she continues, "is something that's been on my mind lately. You can hear the drums beating for a renewed Ascension War, and it's inevitable. You and I, we're younger. The New Horizon Council has existed the whole time we've been Awakened. Older Mages watched it form, they lived through The Reckoning, the Avatar Storm, the Pogroms, the Technocracy claiming victory in the Ascension War prematurely. Then a period of quiet and rebuilding, and that allowed our generation to reflect more, rather than being thrown right into a war where friends, mentors, and lovers were dying left and right. So, like, I understand their position, but I also have mine, and I think it's valid."
As Jinny expounds on the troubles they face, Luu nods in an agreement, but it's a serious nod. It's not that she's upset or unhappy, it's just not the place for that sort of thing. This is the fate of reality being discussed, their future, their past. "The Ouroboros, The Wheel," Luu responds, " I get those, they're useful for talking about these things, and they're right in their own way. But those are two-dimensional concepts, and that's not where we are. We make these turns, and there are repetitions and it almost seems like, but it's not the exact same place that we return to. It's like the way people draw two squares and connect them, and it conveys the idea, but it isn't the same thing. There's a difference between a pyramid and a triangle, even if one is made up of the others. If you think it's a circle instead of a spiral, you'll end up walking the same path over-and-over again. The scenery will change, teh specifics different, because it is in fact a spiral, and yet the power one's mind has, it means that until you truly understand it as a spiral, you retain the motion of the circle."
Pausing a moment Luu notes, "I have some ideas of how things might work or what must be better understood. I don't have all the answers, and there's not guarantee I will. Working on this will be tough and dangerous, a struggle requiring sacrifices. Yet to do nothing is to sacrifice more. The Baruti tell stories and go to great lengths to make sure those stories are known and preserved. The Order we change what is to what we wish it to be through Will. But to do that, am I not telling a story and making manifest? And you, you in seeking stories, preserving them, and telling them; and in that way those stories only exist through your Will. You were asking the other day about reaching students, bringing them to another way, and maybe that will be right for some of them. But I also think the history of our people involves spending too much time bringing others to their way. I know you mean it differently, like opening a door and illuminating a path, and that is important work for us to do. But the real task at hand is to work to better recognize our commonalities, which will then allow us to share these ideas more. It requires us to create new relationships amongst ourselves, but also with the sleepers. WE must recognize the common Divinity in all of us, even if it means different things to different people. The reason we are here, and not just one, is that we are still that one, still infinite, separate and yet indivisible, seeking self-knowledge. Truly, we're at War with ourselves, a new approach is needed, not just new answers, but new questions. It's time to embrace ourselves as that infinite mystery, and let enigma take us where dogma has failed."
"There are certain things that we have to talk about in two and three dimensions, because we simply cannot grasp anything more than that, since our experience is only in that dimension. Our reference points, like in the Spirit world, are fixed, and without the ability to look beyond, we will be lost. So that's why we use the simple descriptions, but...yes...I see what you mean. I understand." And she nods, tapping her lip as she muses on something.
Jinny is silent for a time, well in thought as Luu explains her thoughts and views and, frankly, finds herself subscribing to them in more ways than one, in ways she never considered. "You think that this can be done? Truly? This is a massive undertaking you're wanting to take on that...it'd be impossible for one, alone, but two? a few? On this middle path? It...could be..." She taps her lips thoughtfully, a little smudge of pink lipstick catching on the tip of a fingernail. "Coincidental, making the world anew, without the boundaries and blockages of the old world. Slow and secretive, like Ars Cupidiae, letting people make the choices that you want them to make without an overt influence that can be seen or felt or even known, at least not until there's nothing to be done but follow the path that's laid out to follow. It's like blazing a trail in the woods, leaving a path for others to follow, and trusting them to find the way while guiding them through small puffs of logic and magick throughout the journey. A world without conflict...."
"Can it be done?" Luu repeats back, "I don't even know if it's worth contemplating. The question for me is really, should I be trying for anything else? It will take time, effort, caution, and care. We'll still have the resources of The Lodge, and we can build from there. I have students, I have a role in The Order looking for promising candidates for Awakening. That's a start. I'm not going to go against these things, it's simply a matter of both walking and making that path. Maybe it's not something that will be accomplished in our lifetimes, or even just by us, but ... we can't be the only ones thinking this way. They're out there, we need to either find them or make sre they find the path. But it really brings me to my next point, and why I think we must be both careful and subtle."
It's a question that needs to be stated, if not left unspoken, but out loud. The reaction Luu gave to the question gave Jinny almost as much of an answer as the words Luu spoke regarding the question. Anything worth contemplating is worth questioning, because without challenging obvious truth, it's never known what could be said, or understood, or known if it were not brought to light. "No." Jinny finally says with a shake of her head. "You shouldn't be trying for anything else. Trying for anything else is simply falling into obscurity, falling into the trap that you're trying to escape. It's a trap that you didn't even know was there until you puzzled it out. An insidious one that lulls you into a sense of being in the know instead of knowing how much the world has conspired to make your choices for you."
Jinny puts her hands together over her nose and bows her head slightly, her eyes closing for a moment as she thinks, her breathing slow and even, a little bit of meditation coming into play as she breathes. "There really isn't another choice, is there?" she whispers, more to herself than anyone. "Not a logical one, at least. The easy choice, sure, would be to just...not. To go as it were, but that would just perpetuate the madness that's being built on both sides, with the other simply being an antagonist to the protagonist, which is whatever side is in the right at that particular point in time." She lowers her hands, looking up at Luu after a moment, drawing her knees to her chest, surrounded by the magick of the books, the silence of the library almost oppressive. "I want to help you with this goal."
"You wouldn't be helping me," Luu says to Jinny, "we'd be working together. Partners, equals, there's no other way. As we expand and involve others in this, there will be a need to have layers to this. To bring people in slowly as is right for them, we can't just lay it all out at once. We need caution, security, vetting, and to even have a bit of a front so people underestimate us, misdirection. There has to be levels of gradual initiation, like one sees in most magickal societies, to protect and bring people to the truth as they become ready for it. That's the only sense that there should be layers and differentiation. The foundation that we build? It must be because we recognize the divinity in each other, that we are the same, and that is how we must go into this. I have the perfect space for us to use for this, but -- " Luu pauses, looking down to her feet, hints of sadness, nervousness and uncertainty. "We said up front there would need to be sacrifices to make this work," Luu looks up to Jinny and meets her eyes.
This is obviously hard for her to say, clearly it's causing her hurt, and some anxiety, but at the same time there's a confidence that it must be this way. "If I was to invite you to my house," Luu notes softly, "there seems to be two reasons why that might happen. It can't be both. To build two foundations at the same time? It would make it so neither would work. I'm --- I'm sorry, it's hard to say these things, it's not the way I want it to work, but the reason we're talking about this is reality itself hasn't been working right, for anyone. But to try to start a relationship while starting a Chantry? It would wreck both, and if we were to bring in another person -- " Pausing realizing how this might sound she clarifies, "if someone was to join the Chantry with us as a couple? It's an imbalance right there, and well bring it all down." A beat, and Luu looks as if she's about to say something, but pauses another beat and says, "I need to hear your thoughts on this before I say more."
It makes sense. In a wonderful, horrible, sane way, what Luu is saying makes perfect, perfect sense. And while it does hurt to hear that their burgeoning relationship would be sacrificed on the pyre of creation, what comes from it would be something greater than the whole. Something more powerful, something necessary, despite the pain it may cause. Jinny's feet rest on the floor and she stands, walking to stand near Luu, reaching out to take the other woman's hands, giving them a gentle squeeze. "I understand." She whispers quietly, nodding, giving another squeeze before letting Luu's hands free, her own falling to her sides, clasped in front of her stomach, left over right. "I understand....I really, really do."
To Jinny's credit, she doesn't say 'but what about us?' or 'I thought we had a connection!' or anything hurtful like that. They have a connection. A strong one. And that's why the chantry...what they're planning in the arms of another chantry. What they are discussing going in together on? This initial moment is the start. It's why it is going to work. Not without pain. Not without sacrifice. Not without tears. Definitely not without effort. "It is hard. I know it is." she says softly, reaching forward to touch Luu's cheek, but stopping just before she does, drawing back. "You will always be my friend, Luu. Nothing is going to change that. Not even this." She says softly, wiping her cheek beneath one eye with the edge of her thumb. Don't cry. "It's just...this...if we do this right...it's so much bigger than we are. So much more everything. It wouldn't be falling into the same tired paradigms, fighting against the dark because we're told to. It would be bringing the light to everyone. Building a community. A light in the wilderness." She gestures to the table, to the gathered books, notes, and the like.
"Where do we begin?"
