2021-10-21 Thealogical with Thea Cole - Communication

Thealogical with Thea Cole - Communication

Participants: Thea

Location: Thealogical with Thea Cole podcast

Date and Time: October 21, 2021

Summary: In this installment of Thea Cole's podcast, she discusses the importance of listening and dispensing with preconceived notions.

Mood Music: https://youtube.com/clip/Ugkx3dfhdW21mbg6Q_0Xx8AQ2-0kNWF19dCz

The intro to the video version of the Thealogical podcast is a brief montage set to a clip from The Pretty Reckless’s 'House On a Hill', including clips of politicians alongside powerful businessmen, the Amazon rainforest on fire, people collecting trash from a polluted river, Malala Yousafzai speaking, historical footage of the Stonewall uprising, followed by modern footage of a Pride parade. As the intro fades, we see Thea Cole come into frame, sitting at a table in front of a microphone.

“Cheers and welcome, friends and allies. You’re listening to 'Thealogical with Thea Cole'.

“First, I must apologise for the lack of episodes lately, and for the lack of project updates for those of you who follow my Asunder Films channel. As many of you know, I’ve been insanely busy lately with said project. Sorry, I’m still rather tight-lipped about it. But, even that’s been on hold.

“The truth is, I have a friend I’ve made here in Los Angeles. This person is not at all what I expected. Not the sort I would normally keep company with. But he’s surprising, even if he occasionally pushes my buttons.” She chuckles. “But that’s alright. I like friends who challenge me. The last thing I want is to be surrounded by sycophants.

“In any case, this friend was recently in a bad state and needed those who love him close by. I want to be very clear about something here. I do love my work and I love my fans. You’re all very important to me and I wouldn’t have any of the success I’ve had without you. But this is my message to you: Make those close to you the most important people in your lives. When times are hard, they will be the ones you will need most. Even when times are wonderful, they are the ones you will want to celebrate with the most. There is no substitute for personal contact.

“And that doesn’t have to mean in-person contact, either. I’m not dismissing long-distance, online relationships. The world has changed with technology. If your most important person is someone who lives in another country that you only ever talk to on Zoom, then so be it. But maintain those lines of communication. Keep them close in every way you can. Every way that matters. Call them every. Single. Day. Make certain they know how important they are to you.

“Because love matters. It matters. Whatever kind of love. The love of best friends. The love of romantic partners. The love for your dog. The love of siblings, parents...all of it. Love is what can pull us up out of the darkness when all of the stress and anxiety and horror of this corrupt society gets us down. But love is not just a thing you feel. Love is connection. Love is a verb. It’s a thing you do. And you must do it persistently to keep those connections strong.”

Thea sighs, taking a pause.

“That was a bit of a ramble. Sorry, not sorry. I think it was worth saying. In a way, it leads into my first topic today. I want to talk about how we treat each other. Not just the people close to us. I mean how we treat the people in our societies that we aren’t really obligated to treat well. You know who I mean. The disenfranchised, the unwanted...the Others.

“Maybe you’re saying to yourself, ‘But I am the Other. I’m the one who’s been disenfranchised.’ And maybe that’s true. But ask yourself...really ask yourself if you haven’t othered someone else. We all do it, even if we don’t mean to. I can say, ‘I’m trans, so I’m the Other.’ But I’d be a hypocrite if I said I’d never overlooked or dismissed someone for being different from me. Sometimes it might be because they’re on the political right, or because they’re too cis-het for me, or maybe a homeless person I didn’t even notice. I don’t do it deliberately. But I’m as guilty of this as anyone, and I’d be an idiot to think it hasn’t probably gotten worse as my privilege has increased.

“That’s why I think it’s important that I talk about this kind of thing more often in a public forum. Not only to spread awareness, but to hold myself accountable as well. I want to set a good example, but to do that I need to make sure I’m doing the right things to begin with. Sometimes that means putting myself at your mercy. Call me out! If I fuck up I want to know it.

“Not too long ago I had an interesting conversation about the issue of the housing crisis. You know my position on it; we’ve talked about it here before. If you’re new and don’t know what I’m talking about, check out my previous podcast when I interviewed Ted Osweiler and Weyanda Jackson from Open Doors. We go over issues of homelessness and various efforts from organisations like Open Doors to house the unhoused, and what a major factor housing is in providing people with the stability they need to escape the cycle of homelessness, poverty, and addiction.

“Anyhow, this conversation I had wasn’t on the podcast or with anyone involved in charities or anything like that. But one of the people involved was, in fact, unhoused. It was also the first time I’d had this conversation here in the United States. Even with the folks from Open Doors, we were talking about issues in England and on the world stage. We talked about the U.S. housing crisis, but not in-depth, and certainly not focused on Los Angeles in particular.

“This individual had some interesting insights about the unhoused population of L.A. While I don’t think I agree with everything he had to say -- no one person can speak for an entire group of people -- he did force me to face a truth that I think we all often ignore.

“If you want to know how to speak to or about someone who is different from yourself...first listen to them. I know, it seems like an obvious and simple thing, but it doesn’t come as naturally as you might think. I entered that conversation thinking myself rather well educated on the matter of housing; and the truth is, I was. But housing is only one factor in a much more complex blend of issues, which is exactly what this individual was trying to get me to understand. I didn’t appreciate it fully at the time, but on reflection, I think I get it now. I can’t understand it without experiencing it. Data will only ever get us so far, but there is no solution without involving the people affected by the problem.

“Some people will immediately go to a particular thought here. If experience is what is needed, why not go live homeless for a while?“ Thea chuckles, which turns into open laughter. “No...no no no. Does anyone remember when Tyra Banks went out with a camera crew and pretended to be homeless for a day? One fucking day! Then she claimed ‘she could relate to being homeless’ because of that experience. And what did that lead to? The girls on America’s Next Top Model doing a goddamn homeless-themed photo shoot. The utter lack of self-awareness is astonishing.

“I know others have tried to do similar things. I recently became aware of another YouTuber doing something along these lines. He’s going to live on the street for a couple weeks with the intent of finding someone to ‘save’. To literally take into his home, help them get a job and try to turn their life around. No, I’m not going to name this YouTuber, and if you know who it is, please do not send any negativity their way. They mean well.

“But honestly, this feels to me like they’re treating this potential homeless person like a puppy they’re going to adopt. People aren’t pets. I think they’re approaching this whole thing with the wrong attitude. They’re not going to get an understanding of what it’s like to be homeless by pretending to be homeless. It doesn’t involve any of the antecedents that can lead to homelessness. None of the systemic issues that force people into poverty and keep them there. And this person won’t be trapped in homelessness, and therefore won’t feel the pressures that can lead to other issues, such as addiction and a variety of criminal behaviours, all of which they can easily avoid by simply going home.

“Again...they mean well. Maybe they’ll find someone that wants their help and it will all turn out well in the end. I hope they do. One life improved is not a bad thing. But what I’m addressing today is how we communicate. The YouTuber in question is trying to improve his communication by living the unhoused experience; but it’s a false experience. What he needs to do – what we all need to do – is listen.

“Have the conversations, but ask questions and let those who live it speak for themselves. It’s what I should have been doing more of that day when I was trying to preach to a homeless person about the housing crisis. Listen to the homeless about homelessness. Listen to black Americans about what it’s like to be black in America. Liberals, listen to conservatives about their concerns and fears. Conservatives, please do the same for liberals. If we want to be listened to, we must start by listening to others. Don’t just hear...listen. Open your ears without trying to think of the next thing you’re going to say. Let your brain absorb what’s being said rather than trying to find ways to take it apart. That’s how we start communicating again and finding real solutions to real problems, be those homelessness, systemic racism, or simply the ever-growing political divisions plaguing the world.

“Now to pay the bills. Do you have a hard time finding ethically-sourced clothing made from 100% natural materials? So did I, until I found....”