2020-09-19 No Happy Meal Here

No Happy Meal Here

Participants: Christian Kaden Vy Zebastian Aspen Los_Perdidos

Storyteller: Aspen

Location: McDonald's, Santa Monica

Date and Time: September 19th, 2020- 10:45pm

Summary: You forgot the onions. Or, the vampires of Los Perdidos go Good Will Hunting with a lurker on the lookout.

Mood Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9TlEJ8ZsRpk

It's exactly a quarter to eleven and the Golden Arches of the closest Santa Monica McDonalds buzz in tandem with the clouds of gnats swirling next to their glowing yellow curves. The restaurant itself is nothing special, a square corporate mimicry of every McDonald's that came before it, all sloping brown tile roof and pale, cheap linoleum tile with a small play area for children. Square panels of spilled, waxy light dot the parking lot in front above which square windows sit spaced out in even rows. There is a drive-thru on the side with a steady stream of idling vehicles wrapping themselves tightly about the exterior, moving painfully slow.

"You can have unlimited refills for 50 cents more, ma'am," the chipper pony-tailed drive-thru cashier declares, throwing down the offer like she had just saved the woman outside in a Pontiac some serious dollars. Her triumphant smile is flawless, unassailable.

"Um," the woman driving the old sedan hedges, "I'm not going inside. What would I need that for?"

As the blonde teen with the ponytail stares on in surprise, stewing that plot twist over, someone at the front is hustling with a line composed of exactly two customers inside the eating area.

The customers are staring at the glowing menu board above the head of an Asian teenager in entirely human delight, the corners of their mouths crinkling and watering in premature anticipation of the glorious, greasy spread that awaited them.

"I'd like a double-quarter pounder with fries, please," the man first in line says.

The black-haired teenager behind the till sighs wearily, adjusting the name-tag on his team member vest, the one that says 'EUGENE' in block letters, while he tap-taps away at the POS software. "So a number five, right? A meal?"

"Yeah," the guy answers, unfolding some bills from a money clip he produces out of his back pocket.

The woman behind the man checks her watch; of middling years, she seems impatient. Fluffing her perm and checking the zipper on her fanny pack to ensure it is secure, she glances down at her yellow Crocs and purple-patterned leggings. "C'mon," she mutters to no one at all.

The man behind her hears her, turns, and follows her gaze down. "They're -hideous-," he says, completely unnecessarily.

The woman with the fried orange hair scowls dangerously. "Excuse me?"

The man adjusts his spectacles, snorts, and turns away to the front again much to the bemusement of the young man behind the counter. The teenager reaches around to try again for the dozenth time that hour to scratch that elusive spot on his back.

"That'll be $8.43, sir. We can upgrade you to large for a quarter more?"

Vy, on her teeter-tower stilettos, stumbles into McDonald's, moving as if she's just barely held up by Kaden's arm. Giggling, she closes her eyes, then presses her face into his shoulder. Nothing to see here, folks, just another overly made-up Hollywood twenty-something who hasn't eaten in three days and now just needs some frieeesssss.

It's time for a team-building exercise. Something that will bring the whole troop together. Something that says 'we are Los Perdidos, and we do what we must to survive'. So why not a McDonald's?

Christian's happy to watch the building from a certain detached distance, the sound and sight of cars moving from afar doing absolutely nothing to stave off the hunger that he's feeling. Just inside that lifeless, square building with the golden arches is his sustenance. And he's not talking about the hamburgers.

Nobody gives a shit about those hamburgers unless they're really strapped and need to eat literally anywhere, if they're in the developing world. Certainly not in the home of In-N-Out Burger, one would say. Arguably, this is also Micky Dee's home, but nobody cares.

He moves slowly towards the restaurant, or the drive-through parking area, more specifically. That sounds like a good place to start, anyhow. At least, if it's dark. Who knows if it is?

Glancing over his shoulder to figure out Vy and Kaden's position, he waits.

First rule of Blood Club: always keep a lookout.

Guess whose duty that is.

Dolled up for the dinner date, Kaden is in a black suit that's lost the jacket to leave him in the white collared shirt with the tie loose and his sleeves rolled up to show off his tattooed arms. Holding on to Vy to make the act seem more believable, he leads her in to move in line, the pair chuckling softly and whispering in that loud, over-the-top way people do when drunk. It makes them potentially look like an easy mark while giving them the freedom of checking out the scene without looking too suspicious themselves.

The mundane exchange within the fast food restaurant continues unabated. "No thanks," the man replies impatiently, as the teen accepts his twenty dollar bill. He hands back the change after the till opens, and then the woman steps up to complete her order with no lack of obvious impatience and a saccharine smile to the cashier. "The chicken nuggets, no meal," she demands, fishing out a credit card and offering it to Eugene, who without a word points deadpan to a written note taped to the front of the register in black Sharpie:

'Credit Cards not accepted at this time. We apologize for the inconvenience.'

"Seriously!?" The woman cries, with a furious rip of her zipper as she ducks and digs further inside the depths of her lint-layered pack.

Eugene raises a supercilious eyebrow.

"Give me one minute. I have some change.."

"Did this happen when you bought those loaves of bread you've been walking on?" the other customer interrupts with serene timing.

The woman whirls around, face twisted in rage, "I'll have you know these cost far more than those Warby Parker knock-offs you have dangling off your neck tumor!"

Eugene pops in a stick of gum and begins chewing, eyes darting between the two, starkly unimpressed.

"You," the woman hisses, "are really, really fucking stupid." The words slam into the man's face like stones. Without warning, she punches him in the face with her left hand, not her dominant one.

Eugene's eyebrows loft towards the ceiling and he pauses mid-chew. This just became the highlight of the young man's entire night.

The struck man, in his thirties, sees stars for many long seconds before he can shake himself out of it. "What the hell do you think you are doing?! Do you know who I am?" He shakes his head, because he's seeing two poodle women, not one.

"Blah, blah, blah," she interrupts. "Seriously, shut up. How often did you rehearse this speech to your reflection, you loser?"

The man gapes, then flinches. "Please don't hit me again. I like my face."

Eugene's pink bubble pops, blowing back into his face like a pastel facehugger. He stares through his rosy mask, then taps something far beneath the counter without missing a beat. His gaze finds Vy and Kaden in a detached way, and he at least has the decency to begin peeling away the gum spread across the bridge of his nose.

"Welcome to McDonald's," Eugene calls out, monotone, just as the woman in front of him goes in for another powerful punch that sends the man on the receiving end stumbling back into Kaden and Vy while holding his face. Blood spills between the openings of his splayed fingers, trickling down over his knuckles.

Blinking, Vy watches the violence unfold. No wonder her parents didn't want her out late, when she was alive! "Wait!" she cries out, drunken defender of all that is right and good. Stepping away from Kaden, she plays the terribly inebriated friend, the sort who cannot for the life of anyone else with them be controlled.

"Stop!" she cries out, as if the wounded man were some sort of wounded kitten. "Don't hurt him - " she lunges for the napkins, finding a handful off of the hopefully not too disgusting condiment and plastic ware counter. "Are you okay, sir?" she offers that wad of napkins, as well as daringly (in what appears to be a rather drunkenly) placement of her body between his and further fisticuffs.

That looks like trouble. Trouble's good, trouble's profit. Nothing happens outside, so he's stepping closer to the actual McDonald's as a brawl seems to take place. His lips twitch upward a little, amused.

It's not that he thinks the people that breathe are idiots, but certainly fast food brawls are worth one's attention sometimes. His fists dig into his pockets as he cranes his head to the side, studying the unfolding scene in silence.

And he gets closer, and closer. He steps through the door. Lookout duty is gone. But as soon as the woman tries to swing at Vy, she might find hands on her, shoving her out of the restaurant. For fun, of course.

Maybe profit, if she decides to make a run for it.

"Meegan... Wait..." Kaden says to Vy as he gives her a play name for their ruse. When she grabs the napkins and puts herself in harm's way, there is a bit of a grin that touches the corners of his mouth, but he quickly schools his features. Ready to get in the mix, he holds off as Christian steps in, chuckling as things get a bit more physical and prepared to back them up.

"Eugene?" It's the girl at the drive-thru window, servicing a Ford F-150. There's a man inside with a cowboy hat, watching the scene unfold with disbelieving eyes and an open mouth. "Can you get me two packets of barbecue sauce?"

Eugene sighs, long and exasperated. "Yeah, Jesscia, give me one minute." Pinching the wad of gum that once decorated his face between two fingers, the man chucks the ABC into the trash and gropes for the barbecue sauce in the bin containing syrup.

"Here you go," he says, without checking the contents of his palm. He hands off the packets, Jessica plops them in the McDonald's bag, and then hands the oil-blotched sack to the thankful customer who drives off with the mistaken trust of many victims before him.

Eugene returns to the crime scene, eyes skittering down as Vy attempts to comfort the man. He places his palms on the counter, still seemingly bored, and pops in a second stick of Juicy Fruit.

The man on the ground shudders, hand still stuck to his face like he can't bear to part with it. "Thank you," he gasps, as his nose gushes, "very kind of you." He struggles to stand, now that he has a barrier - Vy - between him and the deranged woman. "Help me up?" He glances speculatively at Kaden in entreaty.

The poodle woman, for her part, is incensed. Her adrenaline is flowing, her hackles are raised, and even that perm is standing just a bit straighter. "Who the hell are you?!" she snarls at Christian, posture bent and defensive. Her swing is aborted, in part by his hands on her upper arms. She's finding it a struggle to resist his pull towards the exit. "Fuck you! I haven't even gotten my nuggets!" She staggers forward, but the going is slow. She is really amped up.

Behind the counter, Eugene tap-tap-taps something under it repeatedly.

"Of course," Vy says, although rather than stand, she knees next to the man, giving him those hungry eyes. They're coquettishly drunk hungry eyes, of course, meant to mask her interest in how yummy his blood nose looks. "Poor baby," she murmurs, sweetly concerned. She /does/ feel bad for him, and it's not like she's going to make his night worse - just leave him with a little thrill followed by a headache, right? "Let me help you."

"Andre," she turns to Kaden. "Can you help him up? Let's get him outside before this - " she raises her voice a little bit, wanting to give Christian a reason to tussle a bit more and escort the mean lady outside as well, "crazy ass basic KAREN - " fighting words! "hurts him again!"

"Listen, lady, I'm here for my goddamn double McDouble, large, and you're getting in the way of that. You want to end up on World Star? No? Then get the hell out of here and go to the one in Century City or something!" Christian does not know if there is a McDonald's in Century City, but he does want her to go. His grip on her arms is really hard, not so hard it'll shatter bone, but it's firm. Maybe deceptively firm, even. She might expect that kind of strength from The Rock, not from a dude who looks... okay.

He espies Eugene tapping the panic button with a look of distaste before glancing over to Vy and Kaden. They must hurry, or this little exercise will be for naught. A shame, but it's okay. There's certainly a victim in their arms right now, so it's not too bad.

Now, this woman? She's fighting like she's tweaked. Suddenly, Christian has second thoughts on feeding from Ms. Adrenaline. He doesn't let go, though, stepping in front of her when she tries to swing back.

Kaden takes in the situation and then moves, making his way over to help Vy with the man. A look to Christian makes sure no one else is going to come out to back up /Karen/. Finding everything is good to go he moves beside Vy and reaches out to help the downed one up. "Hey man, your good. Probably should get you out before the cops get here and it turns into a hug hassle. Or that chick gets nuts." With that he easily helps the man up then tries to keep himself between the man and his attacker as he leads them towards the door.

The distant wail of a siren is a clarion call that there will be human intervention in short order; that, or they are just passing through. "Jessica, lock the window," Eugene yells back, to which the blonde teen turns and sends him a perplexed, vacant stare. "Why?" she asks, oblivious to the ruckus. She has a headset on with a small mic curling forward before her lips; Eugene rolls his eyes and is probably thinking that the audio she hears are the basic life instructions of, 'Breathe in, Breathe Out..' and to remove it would be detrimental to her continued survival.

Put out, because Eugene hates being the man of the hour, he listens attentively as the blare of the alarms in the distance grow louder still. He continues to pop the button below, just in case.

Excellent.

The man on the ground removes his hand from his face, weakly groping for his shattered spectacles on the floor. "My glasses," he gasps, trying to keep the blood from pooling in his mouth, "where are my glasses? Did that dumb bitch take them?" He realizes little too late Vy's famished expression. When he does, he mistakes it for lust. Which, in retrospect, is odd - he's coated in blood, after all - but too dazed to mull it over much. "Yes, that'll be nice of you." He waits patiently to be assisted up by Andre, assuming it's the woman's boyfriend. He needs to watch his hands when they haul him up, but it's hard to see without his Warby Parkers. His hands reach blindly, skimming Kaden's mouth and Vy's shoulder. "Thanks, appreciate it." He stands, limping with them to the exit with blind trust.

Poodle woman knocks back her arm, taking an empty swing at Christian's face, missing. The momentum carries her forward on the follow through, and she neatly folds into his chest, arms coming tightly down and around him to keep from falling. Like a southern bell that she isn't, she crashes and curls into his embrace, allowing him to easily carry her out should he choose. "Asshole," she spits, nails digging into his expensive threads. She juts her chin up, meeting his eyes with venom and challenge in her own.

Meanwhile, the sirens scream nearby.

If Vy can quickly spot and snatch those Warby Parkers, she'll take them with her. She's a /nice/ monster. Then, she rises to her feet, stumbling out after Kaden, pausing only briefly to bat her mascara coated lashes at Eugene. An insurance policy, maybe - if the cops come in, no need to tell them about the three drunken heroes, right, Eugene!?

Once they're outside, she rests her hand on the man's lower back. "Andre, baby, do you think it's okay if we offer him a ride?" she pretend-stage whispers to Kaden, as if to pretend that they're the ones who ought to be cautious of the man. "He looks so beat up - I'd feel like /awful/ if he got dizzy or passed out in an Uber or tried to walk."

Yep, he's going to carry her out. And try to find the nearest alley, where police would be rather hard pressed to find the tweaked woman with the bizarre hairdo and someone who is, ostensibly, just trying to get his meal to get through the night. Unfortunately, though, those sirens blare louder, so he's just carrying her, uncaring about how she's ruining those expensive threads. The challenge in her eyes and the words that follow just have Christian stare at the woman with a completely cold look.

The look of a hungry, uncaring predator. His car is nearby, parked in a strategic spot, surely, but this one doesn't deserve to be in an Audi. She deserves to be in an alleyway somewhere. Hopefully he finds one just in time, anyhow. His pace is clipped and fast, though the woman weighs nothing to him.

"Yeah babe." Kaden replies softly to Vy. The only sound other than that he makes is a slight rumble of a growl when the man brushes his filthy hand across his mouth. Shaking off the rising want to punch the man himself, he instead helps carry him as they push though the door. Christian is handling his business so there is no need to step in on his action. Helping the man out to the parking lot quickly, they lead him off to where they are parked, outside the view of cameras or the fast food joint.

Opening the back door of the Civic he helps the man in then motions for Vy to sit in the back. Closing the door for them both when they settle in he gets in and drives off, meal on wheels for the rose in the back.

If the new customers want to leave with the bloodied man and the enraged woman far be it from Eugene Chao to stop them. He has to make sure Jessica is able to remove her headset safely, clean the lobby and count the till tonight, amongst other perpetually endless tasks. A hero's job is never done. He gives a little waggle of his fingers to Vy, blowing another bubble from between his pursed lips. It rounds out, expands, and pops with a sharp snap.

Once outside, the cool night air seems to revive the man somewhat. "Thanks so much for getting me away from that crazy bitch," he gasps, wiping at his face in shock, "I wouldn't know where I'd be without you both. My name is John, by the way." He holds out his hand to shake it with one of them, preferably Andre, but it's pretty hard to see anything. His fingers end up in Kaden's mouth this time, a two-digit sink, and then he retracts them fast.

"Sorry!" he shouts. Blinking, vision blurred, he sees Christian carrying the irate perm-head away. "Where is he taking her?" he asks incredulously. "Where are they going? Is he a cop?" No reply, it seems, because he's being manhandled and carted off to the back of a Civic. He begins to put two-and- two together despite his dazed state, struggling in earnest. "HEY--!" The door to the trunk slams and the lights go out. The man wimpers in the dark as the car starts and the engine roars to life.

The woman Christian is carrying is now twisting like an angry mongoose in his arms. "What the hell are you doing? Put me down, bastard!" She drums her fists against his chest incessantly, but it's all for naught. She kicks, she screams, and that's just about the most convenient time because a squad car jumps a dip in the parking lot and swings into view. The blue-and-red flashing lights hit everything - parked cars, the restaurant, the edge of Christian's expensive shoes - and then Christian might notice a nearby alley behind a pair of green dumpsters servicing the McDonald's.

He's in luck, though, because the first person to pop out of the passenger side is none other than Aspen in uniform, gun drawn over the rim of the car door. The driver of the squad car is still inside. For a moment, she just regards him with wide, stunned eyes. From there they drop to the woman he is carrying, brow furrowing, before they return to his face, asking a question she cannot voice.

Why does he keep sticking his fingers in Kaden's mouth? Once they're out of the McDonald's, Vy drops the drunk act, her pretty brow furrowing. Sure, Kaden's pretty too, but, um, HELLO?! And then, things get...crazy. She hops into the car, as Kaden directs - either in the back with their mark or in the trunk, wherever he ended up.

"Cover him," Vy murmurs, meaning she wants to stay close, for Christian's sake, just in case. "I'm going to make a distraction - " she adds, then pops out of the car again. "My purse!" she shrieks. Vy /never/ carries a purse. Her purse is Kaden's pocket. But, right now, she is doing her best to make it clear that she is hella upset about her absence of a purse. "My purse! Help! Help!"

Just his luck. The car stops as he finds a suitable alley to 'mug' this woman and maybe leave her a confused, passed-out mess, but no. It's a police cruiser, and out comes his wife, who certainly has plenty of issues and objections about his way of life, you know, despite the fact she understands that he has to do these things for a living. It makes his not being so proud at biting criminals even worse.

The woman kicks, punches and screams and he's ignoring her for the most part, but his ears are ringing and so he drops her out cold on the pavement, perhaps a foot or two away from him. There's an embarrassed smile to Aspen, one that conveys 'Hey, honey', without actually saying the words.

Quietly, he glances one side, then another, getting ready to escape. For now, his hands are held up.

There is a lot going on and Kaden seems like he has a lot of options on what he can do to assist. When Vy pops out of the car he puts it in park and slips out. Instead of following her he sits on the trunk, making sure this guy doesn't find some way to pop it open. Watching the cops, Vy and Christian he pulls his cigarettes from his pocket and shakes one loose. "Meegan... Don't." Now it's just half heartly said with a smile, watching to see how things play out.

Aspen hardly notices the Civic peeling away out of the parking lot. What she does note, however, is her husband standing in a dark McDonald's parking lot holding a frantic, struggling woman. She gives a sharp command to the driver, her head dropping down towards the interior of the vehicle for a moment.

Her gaze pops back up, as does her eyebrows, both twisting upwards at the center of her forehead where they meet. "What the ever-loving.." she whispers, but unfortunately she can hazard a guess. With one finger still on the trigger, Aspen removes one hand and begins to wave it through the air like one wiping the steam off the glass in a shower stall. Back and forth she gestures towards Christian.

Racket out of the corner of her eye, and there's Vy, screaming something about a purse Aspen has never once seen her carry. Her gaze drags between the two, deeply troubled, and then a second siren hits her ears, clamoring up the street. Backup.

Concentrating, Aspen curses her luck mentally and points her hand at Christian and Vy at the same time. "Go," she whispers, eyes hard on her sheepish husband. She'll deal with him later; this is exactly the kind of overlooking she hates to do.

"Hey, what's going on?" The driver of the squad car finally opens the door, suspecting that Officer Cruce is showing a little too much hesitation. He's a blonde man, young, a new boot. "Office Bixby, get back in the car!" Aspen squawks, slapping the hood of the vehicle.

Bixby gives Aspen a startled look before narrowing his eyes. He withdraws his own gun, using the car door like a glass and metal shield while awaiting backup. The business end is trained on Vy, much to Aspen's chagrin. "Bixby, stand down!"

The blonde officer isn't listening. His hand tightens on his weapon, the trigger easing back. "Hands up where I can see them!"

Well. Vy was about to into a tirade about how her sparkly Hello Kitty purse is missing, even if it's been missing since her sire threw it out in 2015, calling it gaudy, trashy shit. But, there's a gun in her face. Well - for a second, Vy looks interested. This is new! Fun? Maybe not fun, but, interesting! Nonetheless, it's a chance to practice this new trick without being a mind- binding asshole leech.

So, slowly, Vy's hands go over her head, innocently lifting to the sky as she stands there in stillettos and a mini-dress, and she shivers, as if terrified of that big bad gun. Those hazel eyes stare at Officer Bixby, needy, sweet. "/Help me/" she implores, biting her lower lip and fluttering her lashes. "Please, officer? I need help."

Christian disappears from Bixby's notice and starts to slink away to the Civic, coming to stand around to the passenger's side while he watches the cop with the gun trained at Vy. His grey eyes stare at the unfolding scene quietly. She's made the ruckus for him, so if he needs to do it, of course, he'll certainly come to her aid.

Right now, he's content to watch the Toreador in action. It might well be interesting. The cruise camera might worry him a little, but that's okay. He's just looking at Aspen worriedly. If he can get away, it's thanks to her. That's the love of his life, right there in whatever color the Los Angeles police uniform is.

Lighting the cigarette with a grin, Kaden watches from his perch on the trunk of the car. Motioning for Christian to hop into the back he adds, "Hop in. She's got this." The car is still running with the doors unlocked. "We got a takeaway container in the trunk, its all good." There cherry is puffed to life and then he stands, leaning against the trunk he calls out, "Meegan! You didn't bring your purse, come on, its at home!" Shaking his head he points to the woman with the two fingers holding his cigarette pinned. "Sorry officer, we're all good here!"

Aspen can only watch in absolute shock as Bixby's gun clatters to to the pavement. A shot rings out, towards the building, a small burst of flame lighting the gritty pavement with a flare of light. Aspen flinches, distracted still by the sight of Officer Bixby's hands pulled out in adoring supplication towards Vy.

"Yes, absolutely!" he burbles, instantly bewitched. The blonde cop walks forward, arms outstretched like he might fold her into a fond embrace. "How can I help you? What do you need me to do?"

Office Cruce just shakes her head. She's definitely questioning her life choices, again. Again and again and again. There is no time to figure out the how's or why's of whatever Vy is doing. She slams the passenger door shut, sprints around the side of the squad car, and radios for the backup to turn around from the driver's seat. "..no longer needed. Officer Bixby and I.." she glances surreptitiously up and over at the man in question, fawning all over Vy in the most embarrassingly kid-glove act ever, "..have this. Yes, I'm certain." No, no she's not.

Popping her head back over the top of the car door, Aspen makes jerking motions with her chin at the three vampires, looking tolerably irked by Kaden's apology.

The message is clear: LEAVE.

At the sight of Bixby's outstretched arms, Vy smiles, then explains, in a small voice: "My purse. I think someone stole it. I'm sorry," she glances down at the ground, abashed, ashamed. "I shouldn't be making such a fuss. It's just my favorite, it," she looks down at her stiletto shod feet again, then tugs the hem of her short dress down. "I should go home, he's right," she nods to Kaden. "I'm going to - just - just go " she gestures vaguely toward Kaden. "But - but " she worries her lower lip, then looks up at Bixby, expression earnest "- if you find it, will you call me? It's sparkly," she explains these important details. "And shaped like a kitty." Then, she turns to go, hoping that Bixby will spend the rest of the evening (or at least the next hour) searching for her long lost Hello Kitty purse rather.

Given that he's gotten beyond Bixby's notice, Christian is happy to simply watch the goings-on from the comfort of his location. He shakes his head to Kaden in a negative answer to the offer of a trunk, giving him a thumbs up.

His car is parked just across the street, as he indicates with a hand, silently. For now, he just focuses on something, looking rather distracted and distant.

In case he needs to step in, considering things in relative, utter silence. Drawn within as cars pass by, some cruising, some faster, meaning to avoid the police car parked so close to the McDonald's.

There is a reflexive duck at the dropped gun and the shot. Kaden looks around then says, "Aaaah, yeah. Time to book it." With that the tattooed man moves over to grab Vy's hand and pull her back towards the car, nodding at Aspen and her sentiment about them all leaving. "Come on Meegan." Leading the way to the car he spots Poodle coming and then says to Christian and Vy, "Watch out."

In the alleyway is nothing more than simple alleyway fare of discarded trash and fastfood delivery boxes -- fire escapes, trash cans, cardboard, grime, and nothing worth paying too much attention too. No Zebastian shaped shadows down there lurkin' by any darkened doorstep watching creepily and not engaging since that gunshot went off, what might steal the attention of some ineffective poodle away from Christian and his way, for instance. Just a whole bunch of nothin'.

Officer Bixby is nodding so fast one might think his head might become detached. "I'll find it!" he agrees to Vy, immediately starting the search. His eyes are everywhere - along the line of the building, down by the gutter where recent rainfall sparkles off the bumps in the black top, and over the squad car behind him. He even gets down on all fours, checking under the vehicle itself.

Aspen looks down her nose at her partner, wondering how it all went so wrong.

"This is beyond my pay grade," she says through the spaces in her gritted teeth, dropping her body back into the driver's seat. She almost shuts the door and peels out of there, but Bixby is now crawling beneath the squad car. She slams a fist down on the steering wheel and the horn bleats, once. Reopening the door, the miffed woman gets down on her knees and tries her best to pull Bixby back. His front half is fully beneath the grill of the Charger, leaving only blue legs and black boots visible.

"Bixby, get out of there!"

Meanwhile, Poodle woman is getting a second wind. She staggers up where Christian dropped her, holding her head, eyebrows dropped low and lethal. Without putting much thought into it, she barrels forward, elbow out, ramming into the small of his back.

Unfortunately, she just bounces off like a ping-pong ball and hits the ground just as hard. Dazed, she sits up and climbs back to her feet, unperturbed. "Fucking piece of shit," she bellows, about to take another charge - but something goes off and lights up, grabbing her attention. Bixby's gun.

Perm-head's eyes gleam.

For his part, John is not having a good day. He was punched in the nose in a McDonald's by Poodle, dragged outside and dropped into the trunk of a Civic with nary a hello or a by-your-leave. Worse, there is a blanket covering him. Whipping it off, he begins to kick desperately at the inside of the trunk, trying to dislodge it. When that fails he begins to feel along the cloth interior, trying to spring the latch that would grant him freedom. "HELP! HEEEEELLLLLP!"

Vy folds herself into Kaden's embrace for a beat, using her larger companion as cover as they make their way back to the car. Her keen ears pick up the sound of the man in the trunk, and she shakes her head. "Thank you, you're so sweet!" she calls, loudly, to Bixby, as Kaden ushers her back into the car. Then, to cover the noise, she speaks, loudly, to Kaden: "I really loved that purse! It was so pretty! It made me feel like a princess!" Maybe she's faltering a bit, having had enough ad-libbing and subterfuge for one night. "A pretty princess!" she adds, continuing to make noise until they can get the F out with dinner in the trunk.

Before Poodle can reach for the gun, Christian spurs into action. He's a blur - perceptible to anyone really looking at him in that moment, right as his foot comes down, -hard-, on her back. Not to break her bones, but certainly to try and knock her out of air and possibly down. The next blow that follow is a blur in motion as he karate-chops the side of her neck, his expression unreadable in that moment.

Oh, and his metaphorical stomach is growling again. The Beast's not happy to not get its just desserts, and even less so now that he had to use his power. Thankfully, no need for fangs to come out, yet.

Aspen gives one last, desperate tug on Bixby's waist and falls unceremoniously to the ground on her rear. "Screw this." Scrambling to her feet again, she looks around and simply shakes her head. Her hands and knees are damp and filthy from crawling along the ground, and Bixby is now fully beneath the squad car, worming his way down the length of it searching for a cat-shaped coin purse.

After going back around the driver's side and checking with dispatch, Officer Cruce ascertains that they had indeed turned back around after a slow drive-by on the frontage road. She turns the car off, her attention snagging on something smooth gleaming near the concrete curb to the McDonald's.

Bixby's gun.

Rolling her eyes, she stoops to pick it up --

-- only to get tackled by a madwoman and and even angrier vampire.

"OOoof!" Aspen goes down, hard, the weight of the woman pressing into her back as she is slammed to the ground by Christian's sudden violence. The wind is knocked out of her lungs but the gun is still in her grasp, barely.

Above her, Poodle struggles to inhale, eyes shut, completely and utterly senseless to the world at large.

A growl hits the airwaves, vibrating along the length of them, and Aspen's eyes reopen slowly. Breakneck, she spins and aims Bixby's gun at her husband, lungs working like bellows to take in air once more. Poodle rolls away, lifeless and boneless, while Aspen's eyes lock with Christian's in abject terror.

Upon seeing who it is, she collapses back against the pavement, eyes to the sky, overwrought. "I'm d -done," she gasps, "I'm j-just d-done. I'm q-quitting." She bends upward with a wince, pushing to her feet, and weaves in place while staring down at the woman before them. The handcuffs come out, she reaches for Poodle's wrists, but then pauses.

Christian, Poodle. Christian, Poodle. A sigh. "This is so wrong. Take her, go." A concession, but not a happy one. Grimacing, she turns her back to them both.

Having continued to move toward the car with Kaden, Vy doesn't get in until the whole gang is safe, including Aspen. Looking up, she winces as Aspen is body slammed. She'll send her a little care package from Lush. Worrying her lower lip with her teeth, she seems equally interested as to who will get handcuffed - and, given the tilt of her head, well, she'd been banking on Christian being the one to be handcuffed. What better way than to lecture than to throw one's spouse in the back of a squad car and drive around for a few blocks?!? Then, when she hears 'take her, go' she lingers just a beat more, making sure that the two of them are safe before she and Kaden drive away.

What in the world...

Rust dust trickles down from the fire exits in the alleyway - joining the rest of the grime and fracas from the little scuffle down there, with that strange Poodle-woman and various conflicts, and there are no interruptions. Not from other humans - or rouge Zebastian's - or cars - or denizens of the night...

...only there is a little buzz, in Vy's pocket of all places, a few minutes later once she's situated in the car. A message. Who from? Doesn't matter! It can be checked at a less heated moment, perhaps. One with less screaming from the trunk.

One supposes he didn't calculate that right. Of course he deeply regrets the fact he just stomped a crazed woman onto -his wife-. Of course he also regrets the fact he had to use his particular set of skills to disable the woman outright. He'll go hungry, but that's okay. He can always call Barry or something. "This woman is on PCP, I think. Her immediate thought after seeing a gun was to take it to shoot a guy who had already pushed her out of a McDonald's and carry her a few yards -after- failing to hit him. So, you take her."

"God, this is fucked up." No kidding, Christian. His eyes glance up to the golden arch logotype and for a moment, he feels the need to spit. "Seriously, I don't wanna be hooked on that when I get home. Whatever it is, it's going to be bad."

"Nothing like facilitating an assault!" Aspen quips back, draping her forearm over the hood of the squad car. She drops her forehead into it and breathes out a sigh of disgust at the current turn of events. Bixby is rustling around deep beneath the car, Poodle is knocked out cold (and Aspen subsequently arrests her - no Miranda rights needed), and Christian didn't get so much as a meal.

"Are you sure?" she asks, for once casting about for Vy and Kaden. "I guess.. well.." Her eyes roll down and over, indicating the blonde man squirming beneath the vehicle. "Hey, Bixby, I found a guy who might know where that purse is."

"Yeah!?" comes a hopeful, disembodied exclamation.

"Yeah, he's right here. Come out and meet him."

More struggling, shuffling, the susurration of fabric on pavement. Bixby sticks his head out, his once glorious crown of wheat-yellow hair now dishwater blonde from oil and grease.

"Do you have it?" he asks Christian, pulling himself up by his hands and knees. "Show me! I'll follow you." The officer waves Christian forward, an eager, anticipatory look in his expressive features.

Aspen shakes her head, looking exhausted and more than a little guilty. Stepping up to Christian, she stands up on tip toe and kisses his cheek. "All yours," she relents, moving back to take Poodle away. One more quick search for Vy and Kaden, but they are gone. The perm-headed woman is stuffed in the backseat. Aspen drops into the driver's side, starts the engine, then pulls the car forward to idle in a nearby parking spot until Christian is done with dinner.

See, his wife knows what it's all about. This is true love, right here. Christian smiles at Aspen when she steps up to him and gives his cheek that kiss, his grey eyes finding his wife's after she pretty much hands him his dinner, in the shape of a coworker.

He looks over the man dubiously for a moment before nodding, gesturing for some shaded place, deeper within the recesses of the alley. "If you'll come here, I've seen it in that dumpster, right there..." It's not too far from the parking lot, but it definitely will have the man try to rummage before he gets pounced.

Hopefully -that- goes smoothly, but he might be so enthused about finding a purse that it might just work.

Hopefully, right? This is not normal. Not like, /the situation/ -- although that too -- but if any shadows named Zebastian exist? They are doing do in circumstances that are so outside of their usual remit that it's surreal: for once, they aren't the ones getting into all sorts of trouble on ground level.

And what--- he's just gonna /interrupt/ Christian and his meal, after the guy spent all that =effort= getting to it, supported by his friends and loved ones? Goodness no, that would be a huge violation of etiquette!

But it does leave any shadows named Zebastian in bit of a socially awkward pickle, because like... Well, like... Awkward. It's like getting trapped in a closet at a party, then other people come in--- avert those eyes, Zeb! The journey to that horrible Food Hole venue can wait for a more opportune moment.

Aspen throws her head back in the idling vehicle, absently tuning the FM dial from one station to the next. Eyes closed, bone-tired, and trying not to look out over towards the alley where Christian beckoned Bixby. She waits a moment or two, agitation strumming through her veins while some stupid Taylor Swift song fills the car's cabin. Eventually, she can't take it anymore - the contrast between the song and situation proves to be too much.

A bundle of nerves, she kills the engine and slips out the driver's side to walk towards the alley with much trepidation.

"Christian?" she calls, tactfully keeping her eyes to the pavement. Zebastian might be too embarrassed, but Aspen isn't. She's caught Christian with the bathroom door open before, after all. "You there?" The alley looms ominously up on either side. Mortal, alone, and maybe a bit agitated, Aspen peers down the length of it.

Watching Aspen, Vy slips into the car. Kaden's driving - not because she can't drive, but because if she drives, she can't text. "We should still give them cover," she murmurs to Kaden, indicating that she wants him to drive the car around to the alley. Then, once they're both settled safely in the car, she checks her texts, firing one back.

Settled back in the drivers seat with Vy in the passenger seat, Kaden gives the rose a nod. "Good plan." With the stereo off he checks his mirrors then puts it into gear and pulls off. It's all safe, legal, totally nothing to see here folks as he drives off out of sight to circle back around on the other side of the alley. Parking the car he leaves it running with the lights off.

Indeed, one might presume there is a degree of intimacy to do with the whole being married business. Christian's going hog on Bixby, but in a controlled way. The policeman does not know what happened, his body half in the dumpster, half not, but most definitely having his blood drained by way of an arm lock and fangs applied to his wrist, instead of his neck. It's just less messy that way.

Cleaning up after taking a good couple of pints, which will make poor officer Bixby show up a little anemic in the next medicals but nothing too amiss, he starts to pull away, licking the resulting wounds. He hears Aspen's voice, perks in that direction, before dragging Bixby back and onto the concrete. "Yeah, I'm here. Your colleague will be up again in five to ten."

He checks the man's pulse, just in case.

Yep, still beatin' strong.

bbbzsth--::

That's weird, down in the alley it almost sounded like a phone being texted in the distance and then quickly muffled. Wild how the city works, right? So many noises - including that heartbeat of poor Bixby, and the scuffling of his body as it's taken back towards he concrete.

With no interruptions or comments on form from the peanut gallery. The mortified peanut gallery of shadows who just wanted to go dancin', not get wrapped up hiding from dinner. What a farce!

Though it beats getting beat, eh Zeb---- shadows?

Crossing her arms over her chest, Aspen slinks further up the alleyway when Christian materializes from behind a dumpster with an unconscious Bixby. Her eyes sweep up the length of the officer's body, regret evident in every line of her face. "I feel like a sellout to my own kind," she laments, just as Bixby drops heavily to the unsanitary ground.

Dropping next to him, Aspen double checks his pulse when the very peculiar sound of a phone buzzing strikes her upside her conscious mind. Her head whips up, towards the source. "Hey.." she trails, unsure.

"I'm texting with Zebby," Vy tells Kaden, in the car, as her hand comes to rest on her breastbone in a gesture of relief. "I don't think he hates me," she adds, glancing at Kaden with a tired smile. /Something/ went right tonight. Turning her head, she watches the alley, keeping a close eye on their friends. "Is Christian drinking from her cop partner?" she remarks, with a casual sort of interest. "Poor Aspen. We did not make her night better," noted as she worries her lower lip with her teeth.

Keeping an eye on their surroundings from inside the car there is a soft laugh. Kaden shakes his head and says to Vy, "Well that's good." Looking down the alley and trying to check on the couple with the cop he adds, "You want to shoot something off to Christian and Aspen. Maybe roll out and regroup? Make sure we're clear with no trouble with the cops?" Looking back to Vy he grins adding, "Good work by the way. With all of this from the jump."

"He'll be fine, I just--" Christian looks at a bottle of booze in the dumpster, fishes it out, places it in the unconscious Officer Bixby's hands, "--tell him that he owes you twenty or something, that's malt whiskey, really cheap."

"But he lost his shit earlier and thanks to him we almost had a crazy with a gun out there. I shudder to think what she'd do to you if I hadn't grabbed that one, honestly." Reaching down, he leans in to kiss Aspen's cheek in return, his arm sweeping around her shoulders in a brief hug, in the most inappropriate of times.

"Come on, I'll help you bring him back to the car, if you want."

The sound of a phone buzzing makes his body twist to the side, trying to find said source.

That sound? Must've been the wind! No more ::bbbzsth--::, only regular city night sounds; rush of traffic - dogs barking in the distance - a cat jumping down from above and landing atop a dumpster before prowling away dismissively. Cats: true hunters. Vampires can get stuffed, as far as the cat is concerned.

Nothin' but warm air from the pacific flows through the alleyway, bringing on it the scents of fried food, smog and the sea. Delightful. Not at all concerning.

Aspen squints up at something, her very human, if oddly hued, eyes tracking in an unsure pattern across something resembling a hulking, humanoid shaped shadow. "Uh," she begins, clearly puzzled. Her mind isn't sorting the shape correctly, so it just gives up entirely. Returning her attention back to Bixby, Aspen motions to the man's prone body. "Yeah, if you could help me get him back to the car, that'd be great." She watches at the malt liquor slips through the man's limp fingers, hitting the ground and rolling away.

Aspen bends, picks it up, holds it. She allows him to pull her in for a quick hug, a small but reluctant smile on her face. "Right." Resigned to the outcome of the night, Aspen turns away for the squad car carrying the malt whiskey. "What a story."

Inside the trunk of the Civic, meanwhile, John finds the latch at last! He pops it, because car manufacturers don't want to be sued by kidnap victims, and the trunk flares open. Yeah, the car is moving, but not that fast. John hops out and makes a break for it, blood staining his face like red warpaint.

"Yes - " Vy begins, looking at her phone and sending a response. Then, there's John. "You have got to be fucking kidding me - " she says, pointing in the rearview mirror, expecting Kaden to turn around: "I'm teaching you two how to bat your lashes," said, as if to indicate Kaden and Christian will just have to be sexy hunters too.

There is a look to Vy then back down the alley as Kaden nods to her words. When she looks back he looks in the rearview and then the side mirror. "Eh, we can let him go. He's probably crazy confused from the blow then my mouth on his fingers... I mean, your lashing batting at him." Shaking his head he watches the man run in the mirror. "We have the herd. We just need to make sure Aspen and Christian are good to go."

"Okay," Christian carries Bixby without complaint or much difficulty, his Beast sated and dormant while his grey eyes have a twinge of resigned sadness. Honestly, it's never right for him to just... bop someone like this, especially not a man in blue, given that it reminds him of a time where the same thing happened to him, but a thousand and one times worse.

Maybe that's what's fucked up about the situation. He recalls that supposed murder scene and how it turned into a death trap for him and his partner. Supposedly he was decorated in absentia when he resigned and went AWOL for that Kindred formative year, but who's counting? E's dead.

He pops open the passenger's seat door on the cruiser, slowly accomodating Bixby into his seat as if he was a guest of honor. The seatbelt is fastened across his body as he closes the door with some respect.

Walking around, there is another hug, this time a longer one, to Aspen, before he murmurs something to her, kissing her cheek afterward as he draws away.

"I'll see you at home. We can watch something together until we fall asleep or something, if you're off duty in a few." He glances at the traffic, and his car just across the street.

But he lingers, perhaps waiting for his wife to take off before he does.

John is pumping his arms and doing his best to channel that young man back in ninth grade that ran track at the varsity level back in Philly. Legs cycling like a frantic pinwheel, the guy bolts for the road. There's a 7-11 across the street, lit with a few people milling about inside. He's going to make it, damnit, or he's a dead man.

Meegan and Andre planned to wrap him in a tarp and sink him in a lake in concrete shoes. Especially Meegan, that vicious viper.

"HELP! Someone, HELP! I've been kidnapped!" Punched, kidnapped, and now on the run. He strikes the pavement, checks both ways before crossing the street (because laws), and then sprints up to the gas station.

Aspen nods to Christian, gets inside the squad car and fires it up once Bixby is in on the passenger side. A bit sad, Aspen places her hand on her husband's chest, gleaning what he is about given the situation. She pats him in a comforting manner and kisses him back. "I'll drop him off at the precinct." That said, she climbs back into the driver's seat and pulls out of the parking spot. The vehicle drives away with the unconscious man.

Quite a night.