Headline: Tragic Blaze at ‘Drop the Mic’ Nightclub Mars Keegan Jaxon’s Virtual Appearance
Famed Armageddon Frontman’s Remote Performance Sparks Unforeseen Catastrophe, Echoes of Great White Incident
Santa Monica, CA – In what was expected to be an electrifying night at the ‘Drop the Mic’ nightclub in Santa Monica, disaster struck as a fire ravaged the venue, resulting in 47 fatalities and numerous injuries. Keegan Jaxon, lead singer of the heavy metal band ‘Armageddon‘, was scheduled to give a sneak preview of his new track, ‘Neon Darkness‘, to a few hundred of his most devoted fans in person. However, in a change of plans that reportedly enraged fans who had paid several hundred dollars for a close encounter with their idol at the intimate venue, Jaxon unexpectedly cancelled his personal appearance in favor of instead appearing remotely from a beachside villa in Costa Rica.
Disappointment quickly spiraled into chaos, as jeers and protests filled the air. Amidst the commotion, a fire mysteriously ignited, engulfing the club in flames ‘in minutes’. The fire’s rapid spread hindered escape efforts, resulting in at least 47 known fatalities and twice as many injured.
The calamity has already been compared to the infamous Great White nightclub fire which killed 100 people and injured 230 and lead to dozens of civil and criminal cases being filed, eventually resulting in the band’s tour manager pleading guilty to over 100 counts of involuntary manslaughter.
Authorities are still investigating the fire’s cause, with initial reports suggesting a mishap with the club’s elaborate pyrotechnics, ironically intended to add flair to Jaxon’s virtual appearance. Meanwhile, an infamous video has been making the rounds on social media, capturing the moment when disappointment turned into horror:
It will soon become very clear that there is an actual fire here...There's suddenly the acrid scent of smoke in the air...There's screaming and shouting, and people are waving their smartphones around...Although a lucky few (including Chaquille Jefferson-Price) managed to slip out the moment things got hinky...Those of you who waited for evidence...will be caught up in the same mass of all the other suddenly terrified people. What's even worse than a fire in this confined space, is when the sound system shorts out, and Keegan Jaxon's voice can be heard again playing his 1988 Wicked Wonderland...This time with the awful, atonal quality of frying electronics... ~ Down the rabbit hooooooole, into the niiiiig-yiiight! ~ Discover a land where DARRRRRKNESS is liiii-yiiiiii-iight! ~ Twisted trees, under a cursed moon's glooOAaaowo... ~ Where the whispers of the daaaa-aaaay-aamned softly FLoaaaaaow! ~ In the gardens of grief, where shadows plaaaa-aaaa---aay, ~ Eternal twilight, where night devours daaaaa-aaaa---aaaay, ~ Thorns of sorrow, bleeding midnight tears, ~ A jester's grin, hiding ancient fears... ~ He dances in silence, a ghostly siiiii-yiiiii---ight, ~ In this wicked world, devoid of ~liiiiiiiiiiiiiiggGHT!
Keegan Jaxon is known for his prolific body of work over the last forty years. Now 70, (Editor’s Note: This can’t be right, is it? He’s almost as old as Alice Cooper, yet looks barely 50) the aging rocker seemed as determined to keep making music as the other hard working greats of his generation, such as Axl Rose, Ozzy Osbourne and Def Leppard. Despite not charting in over a decade (since Eclipse of the Abyss debuted for one week at #100 in 2011), Armageddon continued to tour non-stop until only a few years ago. Although they has released many albums, Armageddon is best known for their 1988 album Wicked Wonderland. It has been often said that if the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences had added the Hard Rock/Metal Performance in 1988, then Keegan Jaxon would have surely been its first recipient. Instead, that honor went to Jethro Tull’s Crest of a Knave which shockingly beat out Metallica’s …And Justice for All. Although he has never enjoyed such critical success again and despite a personal life shrouded in rumors of scandal, Keegan Jaxon remains a household name, often spoken of in the same breath as other famous artists such as Scott Stapp, Chris Brown and John Mayer. He has also having appeared alongside numerous celebrities at various events, such as Henry Kissinger, Sirhan Sirhan, Dick Cheney and the Octomom.
As Los Angeles mourns, a somber reflection hangs over Santa Monica. The Neon Darkness that was meant to electrify us and revitalize Keegan Jaxon’s career has, instead, left a dark mark on the hearts of many.
Mayor Hiram Guardado, still embroiled in a comprehensive real estate scandal amidst a tooth and claw fight for his third term, provided the following statement: “In the wake of this tragedy, we stand united in grief and in our determination to prevent such a disaster from ever happening again. Our hearts are with the victims and their families, today and always. And allow me to reiterate to all great citizens of this city, the greatest city in Los Angeles County: En este año electoral, prometo que cada voz y cada voto en nuestra comunidad será escuchado y valorado como nunca antes.”
Mayoral candidate and current Councilmember of Los Angeles’ District 8, Chaquille Jefferson-Price had this to say, “I was the only black kid in Jefferson Park who grew up listening to real music like Armageddon, Korn and Nine Inch Nails instead of loser gangsters like Tupac or Biggie. You know how much shit I got for that? I got my goddamn ass kicked every day. Every goddamn day. Then, I paid Keegan’s agent, a slimy little rat named Lenny Higgins, $1500 for a chance to meet Keegan and shake his hand. And the son of a bitch went to Costa Rica? Look. I’ve lived through some tough times in this city. The Rodney King Riots, the Sammy Mexar Riots, the Claudio Javez-Hoytman Riots…So many riots. Look this city has a racist disease where the LAPD is concerned. That’s why I’m advocating to privatize public security…The entire Allen Bernard West presidency. But last night was the worst. I paid $1500 to shake that asshole’s hand, and he stood me up. I’ll tell you what Armageddon is…Armageddon is listening to the screams of agony of good law-abiding Los Angeles citizens clawing each other to get to safety. All it takes is one fat ass and then a dozen people are in a death match behind him to get out first. That’s Armageddon. This made the Skid Row Chemical Fire that everyone’s always bitching about look like a walk in the park. If only Endron were there, like they’d been at Skid Row, more lives could have been saved. Instead, if Avi, my ex-Mossad bodyguard hadn’t hustled me and my teenage daughter out of there when it became apparent that Keegan’s live show was a no show, I might have been killed like those other unlucky bastards. Goddamn. I wish Keegan had shown up. It would have been worth it just to watch him burn alive. So I only have one thing to say now…Keegan Jaxon can go to hell. And while there fuck himself.” (Editor’s Note: Be sure to condense and clean up the language before publication.)
The current Mayor of Beverly Hills and possible dark horse Republican candidate for Mayor of LA, billionaire real estate developer Marcus Alston said, “That wasn’t one of my properties, was it? Then why are you asking me?”
This reporter reached out to Keegan Jaxon’s long time agent, Lenny Higgins, who had this to say, “Look, kid, I’ll give you $200 to just say you couldn’t reach me.”
Tonight’s Other Stories
CRIME FEATURE: Mayhem & Murder at Moonlight Rollerway
Mayhem and Murder at Moonlight Rollerway in the Glendale.
Glendale, CA – In the after-dinner hours of Monday evening, mayhem descended upon Moonlight Rollerway in Glendale leaving one individual dead and the local roller-skating community shaken.
Paramedics and officers from Glendale Police Department responded to 911 Dispatch reports of a violent stabbing. When paramedics arrived they found Doctor Jacen Pearson, a medically licensed psychiatrist who had been in attendance at Moonlight, already on the scene performing first aid on the victim, who was officially pronounced dead upon arrival to Glendale Memorial Hospital.
The victim’s identity remains unknown to authorities while official hospital records list him as ‘Jake Doe’.
Jake Doe: Caucasian male, mid-30’s, 6’0″, 225 lb, Brown-gray hair and facial hair.
The police report of the incident identifies the victim as being affiliated with the Las Vegas based motorcycle gang, “The Infernal Aces”. Witness reports described two suspects who fled the Moonlight Rollerway on foot after attacking ‘Jake Doe’.
Suspect #1: Caucasian Male, early-20’s, 5’8″ – 6’0″, 160-200 lb., bald with no facial hair.
Suspect #2: Caucasian Male, mid-30’s to early 40’s, 5’8″ – 5’10”, 130-150lb., Dark brown hair with no facial hair, visible hair-lip scar
As of Tuesday morning, Glendale P.D. has not released an official statement or bulletin about the incident.
As always, the Los Angeles Tribune Crime Section asks all readers to report any information or suspicious activity related to this or other incidents.
ENVIRONMENTAL FEATURE: Rare Plant Discovery in Bristow Park Derails Major Development Project
Commerce, Los Angeles County, CA – In a startling new discovery, a seedling of the endangered Cercocarpus traskiae, or Catalina mahogany, has been found in the City of Commerce’s Bristow Park, right on the doorstep of the heavily industrialized city of Vernon. This discovery has put a sudden halt to the proposed demolition of the park for an Endron International ‘ancillary office complex’.
The park has been the center of a fierce PR struggle between environmentalists and Endron International, the vitriol and hostility of the confrontation heightened by Endron’s alleged actions during the 2020 Skid Row chemical fire. The finding of the rare plant, known to exist in only a single population on Catalina Island, has injected new life into the environmentalists’ cause.
Dr. Elena Castille, a prominent botanist at the University of Southern California, shared her enthusiasm: “Finding the Catalina mahogany here is nothing short of miraculous. This is a clear sign that even amidst urban sprawl, nature finds a way.”
An Endron International spokesperson expressed skepticism and concern: “We question the validity of this discovery and its timing. It’s a significant setback for our project and for Commerce’s economic growth.”
The discovery triggers state laws mandating an immediate halt to construction, potentially leading to long, drawn-out legal battles. Business analysists suggest that Endron will eventually abandon the project, given that past precedent suggests potentially decades of litigation otherwise.
Mayor Rita Krodle of the City of Commerce tactfully addressed the situation: “The growth of Commerce has always been founded upon a blend of progress and preservation (Editor’s Note: Has it?). We’re committed to navigating this new path with the interests of our community and environment in mind.”